When I was tired, my life only felt miserable, but it was different when my head was complicated as it is now.
Right now I felt at ease when I arrived at my destination by taking a walk with complicated thoughts.
I gave strength to my feet and walked out. Afraid of losing the cufflinks, I put my hand in the pocket and clutched them .
But, as expected, I couldn’t calm my confused mind even after arriving at the Larestine mansion that day.
It’s because his face kept twinkling in my mind.
The beautiful man who politely thanked me. The conversation with him, which was like a dream in the middle of the day, I couldn’t get it out of my head.
When he told me to visit anytime, I said yes, but I knew that I would never see him again.
After returning to Larestine’s mansion and getting locked up in the shabby attic, I pulled out the cufflinks that were secretly hidden, and the thought of never meeting him again became even stronger.
A brilliant sapphire was embedded in the center of a round golden button, and small diamonds were encircled around it.
Even though I don’t know much about jewellery, I knew that this was a very expensive item.
‘To pick up a handkerchief and receive such a precious thing.’
Isn’t that too much?
Afraid that the small jewel might get stolen, I put it in a small cloth pocket and hid it under the floor.
The old creaking floor was my secret place where I kept treasures that I didn’t want to be taken away by anyone.
From the countess to the maids. There were many people who came to the attic whenever they felt like it, breaking things and taking them away.
A place like an old hardwood floor where no one pays attention is the perfect place to hide precious things that you really don’t want to lose.
It was only after I hid the jewel under the hardwood floor, I was able to put my mind at ease.
This is not mine, so this cuff button should never be taken away.
[Here you go]
I was caught off guard by the decisive man’s attitude and received it in a dazed way, but I didn’t intend to keep it.
‘I’ll give it back when I see him later.’
Don’t covet what’s not yours. In case you do, something terrible is sure to happen.
It was a phrase that I engraved in my soul like a belief since the time I was kidnapped here.
‘This alone would give me enough money to get away from here, but…….’
The moment I saw the cufflinks, I put down the greed I had for a moment
I didn’t want to be greedy for nothing and suffer from bad luck later.
‘Yes, let’s give it back for the best.’
After making that decision, I suddenly became curious.
‘But how much money does that man have on his clothes? What the hell does he do?’
I leaned my back against the cold wall, put my knees up, and buried my face.
As I slowly closed my eyes, I felt as if I was the only one left in the dark world. I felt at ease.
His face, which I had seen briefly in the daytime, was clearly drawn over my closed eyelids. It was thanks to his outstanding appearance that he was now imprinted inside my brain.
Then suddenly his name came to my mind.
I knew him. His name and his identity.
I was ostracized from social circles and treated like a maid in the mansion, and he was a famous figure that even an ignorant country person would know about.
‘Duke of Tordell.’
After the previous duke’s death last year, he ascended to the duke’s throne at a young age.
After completing the succession perfectly without being embarrassed by the sudden sad news, I heard that he did his part well despite countless concerns.
Good looks, great abilities, great wealth, high rank.
A man who is impeccable, everyone envies and wants to covet.
When I found out who he was, I was awestruck .
‘I met such an amazing person.’
Not just meeting. I also received a token from him, an expression of goodwill that he will do me a favor.
I stared hard at the floor where the cuff buttons were hidden.
My heart swelled while looking at it.
‘I, who always rolls around in the dust pit, met someone who was shining like him and he thanked me…….’
But soon I shook my head.
Today was a special day, but that’s all. I won’t see him again from now on.
We live in two different worlds, so if it’s not a coincidence, we won’t meet.
Except for living under the same sky, there is no point of contact between him and me, so we will forget about each other’s existence and live as strangers for the rest of our lives.
‘We’ve never met before, so we’ll continue to do so. Because that’s a given. Yeah, yeah, that’s right.’
I murmured to myself.
But it’s weird. Why does this natural induction make me feel depressed?
I stared at the floor where the cuff button was hidden again.
It felt like on a hot summer day, I had been deprived of the ice cream that came close to my nose.
Wait a minute.
The lingering feelings that made me feel depressed, I quickly brushed them off by shaking my head .
I was used to giving up rather than having hope. It was more beneficial in my life. Because every time false hope was broken, it made me despair.
He told me to come whenever I needed help, but I never meant to.
I will never see him again.
I said his name again.
It was a name that really suited the person I met today.
Still with my eyes closed, I looked back on the brief time I had with Aslan Tordell.
There was no contempt or disregard for me in his eyes which were as blue as the clear sea.
It was nice to hear the quiet but friendly voice, and I could feel that he respected me in his polite manner.
Most of all, he cared for me from the start to finish. He did not forcefully carry out his will to me.
‘I was more rude.’
Although it was not intentional when he first called me, I ignored his words several times, and when we parted, I did not respond properly to the offer and left the place as if running away.
‘Unlike how I remember him well, he may think of me as a disrespectful woman…… .’
The thought that I was left as an unpleasant shard in his memory made me sad.
Even after a small sigh, I thought about Aslan Tordell for a long time.
At night, only the faint moonlight from a small window lighted up the room.
There was very little I could do in this room with no books to read or play with.
All I could do in this attic was to sleep on a shabby bed made of straw, or to think about this or that.
I usually reminisce about my old memories. A happy time with my family before I was brought to Count Larestine’s mansion.
Or I imagined the future after I will get out of here.
I didn’t want to think about my current daily life, which always makes me feel bad when I think about it.
But today was special. I didn’t think of the past that I could go back to, nor the future that wouldn’t come.
What filled my head was the present, what happened today.
Aslan Tordell. How special the brief conversation I had with him was in my depressing daily life, and I replayed the brief conversation with him hundreds of times.
As a result, a smile was built around the mouth, and a mocking pleasure was formed under the closed eyelids.
Of course, I didn’t take it too far.
I repeated that, I know my place well.
The meeting with Aslan Tordell will end today. He and I had no more reasons to meet.
Unless we bump into each other by chance, he and I have no contact in the world we live in.
As long as I don’t visit him .
‘Yes, I will never visit.’
I’ll never bury the soft, dazzling man in the mud with me.
As the night got deeper , I made a resolution and I knew I could do what I decided.
But it was my illusion.
“Damn bitch! Do you think you’re really Helena? This bastard! Shut up and follow me!”
When it seemed that I could no longer avoid the black beast that was reaching out to me.
“Help me, help me!”
I went to Aslan Tordell, who I thought I would never see again.
“You said you’d do me a favor, didn’t you?”
I humbly begged him .
“Marry me, please. ……please.”
I seemed to have fallen asleep for a while after crying. I nodded and suddenly opened my eyes.
“… It was a dream.”
It was a vivid dream. Past events that felt as if they have just happened.
I thought blankly of the dream I had just had. It’s nothing else, but it happened to appear in my dream.
“……does it mean it’s my time to wake up to reality?”
A vain smile hung around my mouth and quickly disappeared.