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MYGIP Chapter 68

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Chapter 68

“That’s right. I do not love you.”

The Duke looked down at them with a smile in an instant, as if taking off a mask.

“But why is that a problem? I am doing my duty as a mother. I gave birth to you, raised you, provided you with a proper education, and treated you like family. I can’t do more than that.”

“… Why?”

Isley exclaimed.

“You are a mother…. As a mother, shouldn’t it be natural to love your children? You have to love us… That’s right! Everyone is like that. Everyone in the world lives like that!”

“Should I love you?”

The Duke asked as if doesn’t understand.

“You mean it had to be done just because we have the same blood? Just because we’ve been together for a long time? Why should I? I don’t love you.”

Isley felt like his heart was falling apart. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

“Of course, there are people who fall in love with their children as soon as they are born. But in all these years, I’ve been raising you, I’ve never felt anything like love. No matter what happens in the future, my feelings will never change. Still, as a Duke, I have a sense of duty to raise a proper heir.”

Arthur started to cry.

“… Then… Why have you been pretending to love me? Why are you being so kind to me…?”

“I’m sorry if you thought so. I was just trying to be a good parent to you the way Edward wanted me to.”

“If you had treated me as coldly as you’re now, I would not have thought of being loved by mother… Why did you give me hope?”

The Duke sighed in annoyance.

“Yeah, I know what you think. If you want, I will treat you honestly from now on. But…”

Red eyes looked down at the brothers coldly.

“Will you not regret it? You won’t be able to go back to now. From the moment I agreed, I would no longer be a good parent.”

Osses lowered his head and said.

“It doesn’t matter. Because it’s better than a lie…!”

Everyone shut their mouths in agreement.

“Keep in mind that it is your choice.”

The Duke said so and left the room. There was silence in the room as she left. There Arthur covered his face with both hands and began to sob. At this, Osses also shed tears.

Even if they raise their arms and rub their eyes, the tears won’t stop. In an instant, the infirmary was filled with cries. Everyone cried.

But only Isley did not cry. No, he didn’t cry, not that he didn’t cry. His eyes were tingling and his throat was hot, but strangely no tears came out.

Like a broken heart piece pierced and ruined the tear glands.

  ****

Isley let out a small moan as soon as he woke up.

‘I usually forget everything when I wake up, but why does this dream come to my mind… ?’

Cold sweat was forming on his forehead, perhaps because he had a bad dream. Isley felt unbearable discomfort and wiped the sweat. He got up from his seat and immediately drank the water on the table. The water, which had been out for a long time, was lukewarm and not cold, which didn’t help him wake up. Isley sighed and sat down on the chair next to him. Although his mood worsened, Isley realized through this dream why he was afraid to leave the mansion.

‘… I don’t want to admit it, but I still feel sorry for my mother.’

Come to think of it, it’s always been like that. Isley said that whenever the Duke’s birthday approached, he said he was just picking anything, but he worked hard to find a gift she liked, felt sad when the Duke was not seen at the dinner table, and was angry as if it were his own when someone said something disrespectful to his mother. He didn’t even kill Oberon for fear that he would disappoint his mother? In this way, the regrets he had hidden in his heart were exposed on the surface.

It’s just that Isley himself didn’t want to admit it.

Now Isley couldn’t deny it.

How foolish a man named Isley Emers was that he was still waiting for his mother’s love and attention! He let out a helpless laugh with his face contorted.

‘I couldn’t leave because I was afraid that if I left the mansion, my mother would no longer care about me, or that she would soon forget me. When he was offered a scout from the Imperial Knights Templar, he turned it down because he was afraid to leave the mansion as he is now.’

Isley suddenly remembered what Layla had said.

‘Layla… She said I loved my mother, not her. It was denied back then, but in a way, there is nothing wrong with that statement.’

How did she get to know his heart that he didn’t even notice? Isley couldn’t hide his surprise at Layla.

He was convinced that if he did not let go of this regret, he would miss Layla for the rest of his life without leaving the mansion. It was such a terrible thing. At the very least, if he had been able to meet Layla, he would be able to make an effort to change her mind. But if he couldn’t get out of here, he couldn’t do anything. I can’t help but to wither day by day, drawing the person who has left.

With that thought, the fear of meeting Layla’s cold eyes goes away, and what if I can’t leave the mansion in the future? What if I can’t get away from my mother? There was only the horror she did. So Isley decided to visit the Duke. It was because he felt that if he confronted her, he might be able to resolve these feelings and step his foot out of the mansion.

Isley washed himself and changed his clothes. As soon as he was ready to leave, he headed straight to the Duke’s office. The time was when breakfast had just finished and the Duke had just started working. Isley hesitated, then knocked on the door. He was only allowed inside after obtaining the Duke’s permission. The Duke and her aide were in the office just like 11 years ago. The Duke asked, keeping her gaze fixed on the paperwork.

“What’s going on?”

“I want to share a story.”

“Is it important?”

“Yes. It’s important.”

“Then let’s hear it.”

Then the Duke put down the papers and looked at Isley’s face. As usual, cold, empty red eyes scanned Isley’s face. She ordered her aide to leave and asked him to tell what was going on. Isley was silent for a long time, not knowing how to get his words out. After organizing his thoughts, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

“Mother… I have a question.”

Isley carefully spit out each word.

“Mother… Do you love me?”

The Duke sips her coffee like a person who doesn’t care what he’s talking about. Isley was hurt just like she did when she was a child.

“… Have you ever been in love? Have you ever felt a feeling similar to love? Have you ever felt love or any affectionate feelings? It’s been 11 years since then, have you not changed your mind at all?”

“Is this an important thing to said? I don’t think it’s a worthwhile conversation.”

“Please answer me. Please.”

“What kind of answer do you want, while you ask such a question”

“I just want to hear your honest answer.”

If she says no, Isley might be able to throw away the regrets he was holding in his heart. But if she ever had one, Isley would never leave the mansion. The regret will turn into a hopeless hope, and he will beg for her love again. The Duke said, ironically at Isley’s concern.

“Then the answer is no.”

The Duke put down the cup of coffee and lightly swept the surface with her finger.

“I have never loved you. Didn’t I tell you back then? No matter how much time passes, I will never fall in love with you. I don’t care if my blood and Edward flows in you and your brothers . It may be an opportunity to love, but it is not the reason itself.”

I don’t love you, I don’t love your brothers. The only one I loved was Edward, and no one else was worth anything to me.

Awkward words pass by. The words the Duke utters casually have a sharpness that penetrates the hearts of people.

Isley shook his head, feeling the pain as if a huge thorn had stabbed him in the chest.

“… Yes. That’s it, now.”

The Duke’s cold words shattered even the regrets that remained with his heart. He feels pain and refreshment at the same time. So Isley could raise his head and smile instead of contorting his face.

“Thank you for saying that. Thank you… I was able to let go of my feelings for  mother.”

At that moment, something hot dripped down Isley’s face. Startled, he ran his hand over his face.

It was tears. It was a tear that hadn’t come out since 11 years ago.

Tears that didn’t come out when you want to cry,give up everything and come out, it can’t be this contradictory. Whether it was to come out as much as I couldn’t shed, or to comfort a child who couldn’t cry 11 years ago, tears flowed nonstop. No matter how much I wiped or stopped it, it didn’t stop. In the end, Isley gave up on wiping the tears away and continued.

“… I loved mother. I always wanted your love. I’ve tried and tried to death to get your attention, which you don’t even notice. Those were hellish times. Those times were even worse when I realized that my efforts were of no value to you.”

The Duke stares at Isley with an uninterested expression on her face.

“Loving my mother was like hell, but not every moment was terrible. There were also happy moments. When I was praised, when I heard a word of concern, when you patted my head, when my name came out of your mouth, it used to make my heart flutter. Falling in love is scarier than anything else in the world, but it makes me happy.”

Isley paused for a moment before opening his mouth again.

“I mean. I’m leaving the mansion. It’s not just that. From now on, I will no longer live as a mother’s son or a nobleman.”

Isley decided to leave everything Layla feared before meeting her. The status of aristocrats, and all the power despite being unnecessarily strong.

“I’m going to get away from mother like that and find a new love. This time, I will work hard for that love. I will work hard and try so hard that it can’t be compared with my past when I couldn’t achieve anything…  I will make sure this love not become a hell.”

The Duke didn’t seem very impressed with Isley’s story. Now that face and that eye won’t hurt anymore. Isley nodded and left the office.

He walked down the hallway, thinking about the future.

Even if he tries his best, he may not be able to win Layla’s heart. He may be ignored and rejected. Because people’s hearts are not easily acquired. There would be no sad love story in the world if everything came true with effort. There is no such thing as a child who is not loved by his parents.

Isley thought it would be okay if he was rejected by Layla. If you try to die to be loved by your partner, burn your passion, and get rejected, at least there will be no regrets left behind. When that time comes, you will be able to leave with a smile.

Another reason why he can leave with a smile even if he is rejected by Layla is that Isley thinks he’s done a great job just by leaving the mansion.

The reason I wanted to leave the mansion was to meet Layla, but on the other hand, I also had other feelings. Isley wanted to change. I wanted to get away from my mother. He no longer wanted to be caught up in the memories of his past. He wanted to change.

Maybe I don’t know, maybe it has already changed.

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