FMDF – Chapter 8.3

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After dinner, I checked the condition of Kaelus from the maid.

“The doctor prescribed a sedative. He’s sleeping without dinner.”

“Is he alone in the bedroom?”

“No, there’s always someone watching.”

As expected, a shrewd butler. I can relax.

I went back to my room and went to sleep. However, I couldn’t fall asleep quickly because I suffered too many emotional ups and downs all day long.

The maid, who knows my inclination to not enjoy tea, put wine and wine glasses on the table instead of a teapot. How delicate. People who are fundamentally different from me try to be meticulous.

Eventually, I woke up with a blanket.

“Ha….”

I walked out to the terrace with a little wine in my hand. Would it be better to cool my head in the cool night air?

I could see a quiet garden view at a glance. It is neat and harmonious even if it is not colorful. Just like Kaelus.

 I couldn’t help laughing. Any way, my thoughts flowed and eventually went towards my favorite. It seemed natural that my life in this novel’s world revolved around Kaelus.

 Naturally, I turned my head and looked at the other side of the mansion.

“Eh…? Kael…?!”

I told you I was sleeping!

My mind went blank for a moment. Don’t tell me you’re doing something rash on the terrace, are you?

My room and Kael’s bedroom were located at each end of the second floor of the mansion. The shadow of the man on the opposite terrace was unmistakably the owner of the room.

As if throwing the glass, I put it on the table and ran frantically down the hall. And, somewhat out of impoliteness, I pushed the door of Kaelus’ bedroom with all my might without permission.

“!”

But what I saw in the room was,

“Hmm? Ma’am?”

The butler Uross, standing in an elegant manner. Rather, I became confused.

“Oh… on the terrace….”

Words stuttered out because I didn’t think properly. Then, the shadow of a tall man appeared with the sound of pulling his slippers from the terrace.

“What is it? …. Hestia?”

Oh, no. You didn’t mean to jump to death.

 My face flared up sharply when I realized my incredible delusion. At this moment, I was very grateful for the dim bedroom lights.

“Oh, well, I had a terrible misunderstanding… I think I did….”

“?”

“I’m sorry for the sudden disturbance. Good night.”

I bowed my head and apologized hastily. I was going to turn around and leave, but suddenly Kaelus called me to stop.

“Wait, Hestia.”

“…?”

He spoke briefly, leaving me standing.

“Get out of here, Uross.”

The butler bowed lightly and left the room immediately.

I can’t believe I’m left alone with Kaelus at night without a butler. I don’t know what to do because it’s awkward.

“Whoa… Hestia.”

“Yes….”

I’m embarrassed. I felt like hiding in a rat hole because I rushed over thinking that Kaelus was jumping off.

However, the voice I heard was surprisingly clear.

“During the day, I’m sorry. Then I was sharp, too.”

“You’re welcome. I’m fine!”

I waved my hands reflexively at the unexpected words. Still, he was quite stable compared to the day, so I spoke carefully.

“How do you feel now?”

“I feel much better after a nap.”

“I see….”

Kaelus dragged his feet languidly to the front of the cabinet. Opening the market and taking out were two transparent wine glasses.

“Shall we have a drink?”

I can’t say no when you even took out your glass. I smiled awkwardly.

“Yes, thank you.”

“You looked like you were drinking wine on the terrace earlier.”

“Did you see that?”

It was unexpected. I thought you wouldn’t have seen it because it was far and dark. No, I was surprised to see Kaelus, that I ran inside, and I saw him holding a glass after a short time.

Kaelus nodded indifferently.

“Isn’t the moon bright?”

“…”

“You have pretty good night vision.”

Pouring the red liquid into the glass, he sat down on the sofa.

“I have a question, Hestia.”

“Yes, go ahead.”

The answer was simple. But at that time, what was I thinking?

Oh! What luck this is! What a nice drinking party with my favorite! I felt like I was going to die of shame until a while ago, but now my heart is pounding.

To be honest, it’s more problematic because I keep thinking of strange? dreams and my heart flickers because it’s just the two of us. The lighting in the room was vast, and my favorite was dressed in a baggy gown which showed a solid bare chest.

Kael, do you have any idea what I’m thinking? You could be eaten by me if you do that! I’m not such a nice person. Too much beauty is harmful to the heart. If you’re going to hang your long silver hair in the moonlight in the future, can you please give me a heads up? That way, won’t I at least be ready?

I quickly swallowed a sip of wine before the silly comments spread out randomly. I quickly returned to reality and showed a demure attitude again.

Kaelus asked, looking everywhere but me.

“What you said in the carriage… Why did you say that?”

“Oh…”

Did I say, ‘Well done’ to Kaelus?

It was not a very difficult question to answer. I said with a light smile.

“Because you walked out resolutely. You did not fall to the end before his majesty.”

Kaelus laughed bitterly.

“What if that wasn’t the case?”

“Even so, it doesn’t change that you’re still doing well. Just being able to be outspoken like this is proof that you’re doing pretty well.”

Originally, it is difficult for a person to easily touch up the wounds they have received through words. Even if you can do that, it’s only possible after a very long time and the wound has faded.

It is fortunate that it is healed naturally by time, but in fact, it is much more often not. It can fester as it is and become a disease, or it can remain an indelible scar.

So it’s truly a tremendous development for Kaelus to talk about what happened this very day. To put it bluntly, isn’t Diana the one who made him want to die? It is a great compliment to be able to be so calm even in the face of such an opponent.

He exhaled a long breath, as if he were vomiting a lump inside.

“Ha….”

“….”

A calm yet dying voice echoed through the quiet space.

“I think every moment I open my eyes. Where did it go wrong? Why did I waste my life on such nonsense?…”

I fully understood his feelings. I loved with all my heart, but the terrible emptiness that engulfs me right after that cannot be easily soothed by anything.

“To be honest, saying that it’s all a valuable experience afterwards doesn’t comfort me right away. There are constant questions about whether it must have been such a painful experience or a life experience that I can learn in other ways.”

Kaelus took a glass of wine to his lips and moistened his throat. Among them, there was an honest sadness.

“Was first love supposed to be like this? Why do I have to go through the ups and downs of life that others can easily go through? Why is my life so harsh? Not only in love, but in all the hardships of life, anyone would ask themselves this. Why am I the only one having a hard time?”

For the person facing such pain, the cliché of “life is like that” is not comforting at all. What’s the point of saying that this is nothing in front of a sick person who is about to die?

So I don’t want to tell Kaelus the obvious.

“But you proved it beautifully. That you were a hot person who knew how to have such passionate love.”

“…”

Kaelus looked at me quietly. My face was a little hot, but I said what I wanted to say.

“So you can be confident. No matter what kind of love you meet in your life, you will be able to truly engage in it. A person who knows how to love is a great person.”

For me to realize that I’m also a person who can do love. To convince myself that I’m not a parched, cold, inhuman psychopath, but a “human” with warm blood and warmth. The reason why I can be confident that I am enough to be treated like a human being by others.

This conviction serves as a strong basis for self-esteem and a strong counterattack when someone tries to deny and degrade my existence in the future.

“Kaelus, your love was never a useless waste.”

It would have been better if it had been answered, but even if it was brutally thrown out without being answered, there was absolutely nothing to throw away.

So love, in some form, is really worth doing.

“You loved someone who didn’t look at you so much, but how great would you be if you had a real face-to-face love? I’m looking forward to your future even more.”

Then his lips, which were tightly closed tightly, opened.

“Can you see my future in your foresight?”

“Oh….”

Suddenly, I was speechless. In the world before regression, Kaelus was dead, so I have no idea about his future.

  I glossed over it.

  “Well… I can’t see the future I want at will.….”

“Hmm. Is that so?”

I seemed to have convinced him somehow. That’s a relief.

If the prophecies continue here, I thought my bottom line would be revealed. He quickly changed the subject back to Diana.

“Did the Crown Princess react much?”

“She’s…”

Fortunately, Kaelus was able to bring up the situation at the time on his own. Purple eyes wandered in the air for a moment.

“I was surprised for a moment. I stopped walking and soon I had the courtesy of his majesty… Heli rushed over and told me what to do.”

“Actually, I was flustered, too. I didn’t know that the crown prince would send his servant as soon as I told him the prophecy.. It was my mistake.”

I apologized frankly. Then Kaelus laughed.

“You don’t quite understand  Helios’ personality. He never hesitates. Unlike me.”

“Are you jealous of that?”

“…pretty much.”

He also revealed his true feelings quite frankly. My heart was touched by the meaning of trusting me that much.

I opened my mouth cautiously.

“If you hesitate and don’t think about it properly when you have to think about it, you will pay for it later.”

“….”

You have to be careful when you have to be careful. When you have to pause, you must do so. Otherwise, there will be a time when you will be forced to face the delayed worries and hesitations at an unwanted moment someday.

Decisions without hesitation, or such, do not necessarily have only good sides. as is the case with the world.

“Kaelus, you always make the best choice, past and present. Trust yourself a little bit more.”

Even if Kaelus went back in time and made a different choice in the same situation, Diana would not be his anyway. Because in this novel, Diana had already decided to be with Helios.

Indeed, my favorite was fated from the start as a second lead. No matter what you do, you can never take the lead.

Kaelus shook the wine glass meaninglessly. The red wine rippled round in the glass.

“I’ve always believed that if you work hard, you’ll get the fruit.”

“….”

“’If you work hard, you’ll do well.’ … That’s what I believed..”

I could feel the emotion in the buried behind the words. It was a deep disappointment for the world that betrayed him and Diana.

“…”

So I had no choice but to make a firm commitment once again. In the world after the ending of the novel, I will no longer let Kaelus be a sad supporting role.

I forced myself to clear my tearful voice.

“…it’s late at night. Hurry up and go to bed.”

“You should. You should go now.”

His smile is faint as if it were about to fall.

My heart aches.


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3 thoughts on “FMDF – Chapter 8.3”

  1. Where did this come from honey chill, his just talking about his friend and the person his was interested in hurting him, just because a person is hot doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings and vice versa.

  2. Kaleus feelings are those who gave their all only to find out it didn’t matter.

    A person like Hestia is hard to come by. In the real world when you say you wanna no one ever takes you seriously. Hestia understanding this much about Kaleus meant she went through the same pain.

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