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CDEBILU Chapter 10

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Chapter 10 – The Tiger Speaking


Translator: MadHatter Editor: MadHatter

T/N: This chapter is written from Kitty’s POV


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Milord, you seem so startled by everything.

No, no. This is even more of a surprise. Did it never strike you that I am such a female cat? But it was you who raised me this far. I won’t allow you to say that you have forgotten me, for you are my first. Ah, the blissful pain that pierced through me at that moment! It’s a bit of a pity that I’ll never be able to experience it again. After all, they say virginity can only be experienced once.

That is true. Where shall I start off with? You must have a lot of questions, right?

My detailed background? Why bother with such trivial things? The daughter of a king became a queen in due course, yes, that is all there is to it.

Then why was I a slave at that time? In any age, power struggles and favoritism are the work of people. If I tell you that I was tormented by my stepmother, would you feel compassion for me?

I doubt that you would since I know your nature!

Oh, dear. Attempting to make things up serves no use. For I already know everything about you.

The time of your birth. The color of your blood. What are your favorite things? What do you dislike? What are you skilled at? What are the things you are not good at? When are you in a good mood and why? When are you in a bad mood and why?

How long have you been here and when did you sleep? How many times have you walked back and forth across these walls? And how many times have you called my name? ―Kitty, Kitty, oh, Kitty! Just the sound of your voice makes me ecstatic!

Phew. Don’t cast such a scornful glance at me. I am the owner of everything you are. It is my duty to love you unconditionally. This is a matter of course.

Well, hold on a second. Now is the time for a chat. I will tell you anyway, but slowly.

Hey, Milord. We have plenty of time.

Indeed, we do. About my childhood? I’ll share it with you since you are Milord, but for the most part, they were painful recollections.

I don’t particularly mind if I was to be kept. But then again, I wanted a prince anyway.

Because I was an ill-fated and charming princess.

Oh, please forgive me. In my past, I was very girlish. Even I used to be a little girl.

Because of this, when I caught my first glimpse of you, I felt my heart start to beat erratically.

You see? I chose you. And I was chosen by you.

…Milord, didn’t you ever suspect that the mysterious deaths of my former masters were more than a coincidence? I will let you, my beloved, have a little slip about all my mischief.

The greasy old man led his servant, a young man, into a dilemma. The obnoxious aristocrat accidentally let a bloody warrant of treason fall from the top of his head upon a visitor to his mansion. The filthy merchant even did one of his loyal servants a kindness, informing him that he was really an enemy of his family. To the dying grandmother, I slipped a little of my goodwill into her medicine.

Do you understand? I wanted them to be gone, therefore they were gone. But I didn’t commit any wrongdoing. They all ruined their lives on their own. Besides, what could a weak, wordless, screw-loose kitten do? No one doubted my pure heart, did they?

The world is truly full of nonsense. It is riddled with morons who deserve to die. Why are they breathing like they ought to? Don’t you think so?

But you, Milord. You are clean, lovely, and a childish boy of an age to match mine. And yet, you are a boy whose disproportionate ideals and realities are so unbalanced that your obsequious heart is made up with all the pretense you can muster, and you are riven with frayed edges and cracks.

Your outward appearance is flawless, but inwardly, you are a wreck. It was love at first sight. I have been attracted to you ever since then, Milord. Only you, the sole person in the world, can make me fall in love with you. No one else in the world could be so idealistic.

If anyone was going to be my master, it would have to be you. If I am to be truthful, I likewise thought that it would be easy to find an opportunity to take advantage of you. After all, I have no inclination to live a life that I don’t like. I want to live the life I want with the person I love. That is my hope.

Yet, you are far more greedy than I have ever imagined and far more than I am.

You have never loved anyone earnestly. Nevertheless, your eyes are fixed on those around you, evaluating those surrounding you as insignificant, and yet you are so fascinated by those same insignificant people that you cannot help but be loved by them perpetually. Your nature is so contradictory, vindictive, and incorrigible. That is who you are.

It is futile to conceal it. Do you have any idea how many times I have spent looking at you and sharing intimate moments with you? I can see right through you. If you like, I can disclose it to you later.

But this is the time for a chat. For now, I’ll hold it in.

Right. My own self has been the decisive factor in truly grasping you.

Those were the days when I was so devoted, so sought after, so fulfilled. But I never would have wondered that you would do this to me! I never dreamed of this.

I never dreamed that even I was replaceable for you, something that you could throw away and forget at any time.

Because isn’t that the truth? In fact, you cast me aside the moment you decided you didn’t need me. I was so caught off guard that I was really stunned at the time. Because you had already taken my first time and I was convinced that you needed me, that you would never leave me, that you would keep me for the rest of my life, but then you put me in a cage and sold me off without even seeing me face to face! Even my collar was taken away from me!

I have to admit that I have a certain amount of pride in how I look. Why did you throw me away? I really don’t understand. Or is it that I couldn’t hide my abnormality and was detected?

…That may be so. In any case, on that night, I was so aroused by the fact that I had accepted everything you had to offer. Perhaps that night things were a little less perfect than usual. I will reflect on that.

Milord? You are now wearing a face of despair when you realize that I have never been a kitten, yet it is nothing compared to the despair I felt when you tossed me away at that time. I will have you savor the same experience later on. How many times have I cried out in the depths of the abyss, wrapped in shame, calling out your name? You will never understand the agony that has ripped my flesh to pieces! You cannot fathom a human being who is so addicted to others! You are the dearest person I know!

…But this is inevitable. By nature, you were born into a very privileged situation. However, your surroundings deprived things away from you little by little, and as a young child, you thought hard to protect yourself.

Your young mindset was that you should exploit others and not try to give to others.

Milord. It is time for me to enlighten you as to what it is that is driving me to such madness.

Isn’t that right? I am furious with you. I am enraged at you because you don’t look at me. Even though I do love you so much, you won’t even look at me. You are such an abomination.

Why is that? How much more do you have to mock me by finding a new woman and making advances to her as soon as you have abandoned me? You lay your hands on me, get fed up with me, dump me, and then move on to the next one. You are truly a cruel person.

But you know, that woman is not deserving of you. She’s a commoner, not like an aristocrat, who would be easily seduced by a country bumpkin, and who would be at a loss as to whom she should marry, no matter how you look at it.

Oh, you didn’t know? Let me tell you something else. Had you known the truth about that woman, you would have broken off the engagement for a much more justifiable reason, and without a moment’s hesitation.

She has given it away. In a passing infatuation, she gave away the finest weapon of a noblewoman to a common potato who was inferior to you. That was why she could not marry you, all the more so. Nevertheless, despite such an innocent-looking face, a woman is still a woman. If she had a more sane head, she would have thought of at least faking it on the wedding night. You would have been easily fooled if she had sprinkled pig’s blood on herself.

―Ahahahaha! What a cuckold you are, Milord!

But guess what? You would have treated her the same way you treated me if she had not chosen any means. Even if you knew it, you couldn’t do it, right? For five years you have been occupied with trying to make yourself look cool. You are the one who cannot be truly evil. Therefore, you abandoned me, and you did not establish a sexual relationship with a new woman. You are capable of doing many bad things without being aware of them or taking offense, but you are incapable of taking responsibility for your own bad deeds while you are aware of them. Because you are an immature human being.

That is why you are so lovable. Everywhere you go, there are holes in you. I want to close them up and fill them up.

Well, how did I know about that thieving cat?

Don’t you realize, Milord? I am the demonic woman who orchestrated the tragic end of my master when I was still in my single-digit age. Becoming a master of a human being is as easy as twisting a baby’s neck. Especially if the person is a man. Well, it is no different for women. We have a natural tendency to appreciate beauty and hate filth.

Even after you left me, I knew about your life with my own two hands. All of your servants have been paying me with all kinds of information about you. If I occasionally twist things a little bit, it will make that woman a slut. You should be thankful to me, Milord, that her affection can be broken at such a low level.

Furthermore, after watching you for several years and realizing that you really don’t care about me, I realized that I can no longer be choosy about the means I use. Right, it was shortly after that that I was crowned queen. They desired legitimate lineage, and I craved power.

I wanted power enough to keep you locked away for the rest of your life, Milord. So I decided to use it.

The fact that they were ultimately capable of carrying out such heinous acts as assaulting a carriage and kidnapping you makes me think that my expectations were fulfilled.

More importantly, I’ve always wanted to ask you. Hey, Milord. What do you think of this room? Do you like it?

The furniture matches your physique. Your favorite color. Your favorite scent. It’s very comfortable, isn’t it?

Oops… Windows? You don’t need them. Why do you need them? All you have to do is look at me.

Your meals? Every meal will be prepared for you by me. It is what goes into your body. Needless to say, I make it myself. Does it suit your appetite? I have never stopped eating the skins for you, sleeping on the firewood, and polishing all my skills, because I have decided to take care of you with my own hands. I will not entrust it to anyone else. I alone will be here.

Now that you are here if by any chance someone sees you, I will gouge out both of their eyes on the spot.

Should someone hear your voice, I will cut off their ears and then bury them.

Anyone who smells you will have their nose cut off and then have their face smashed.

Whoever touches you, except me, will be dismembered and discarded in the moat.

Milord, Milord, my beloved Lord! Can you feel my love? Do you understand?

Hahaha, as I thought, you are looking at me with a look of loathing. You cannot possibly understand the jealousy that has turned this world against me.

Because you yourself have never been jealous of anyone in the sense of love.

You have never loved anyone.

Even I, yes, I resent it very much – for you I am just an outlet for your sexual desires.

Well, well, well. Did you find me to be special? Is that why you had to leave me? You say pleasant things.

Very well. Milord, remember what happened earlier.

Confined in this room, the only stimulation for you would be from me. It is natural that you will be attentive to me, that you will think only of me. If only you could hang on to me, look into my face, and see me―I would no doubt be happy.

But for you, even if I were to be observed briefly, I would still be a mere passing scenery.

You were after the keys hanging from my chest, weren’t you? It was the reason you enticed me, wasn’t it? And that was why your attention has been drawn to it ever since you saw it, right?

Milord. An excellent performance can only be achieved by a person who possesses self-confidence. You lack confidence in yourself. That is why you seek love, trust, respect, admiration, and fame from others. Yet, because you are vacant, you do not want to give yourself to others at all. You will never be fulfilled no matter who loves you. You are a vessel with holes in it. The hearts of others are never yours to receive.

…But the problem is this.

I have been attracted to this irrepressible, broken vessel that will never be filled, I have been longing for it, and no matter how many times I have thought of someone else, it is impossible for me to forget it.

No. Not even once did I think of another person. Milord―

Why, I wonder. Even I myself cannot comprehend it. But I probably love you beyond all reason. I like you so much that I can’t help it.

To the extent that I want to lock you up and make you my own.

But you see. It’s your fault, isn’t it?

If you keep making me believe that we have a special relationship.

If only you had not made me aware of my unrequited love for you.

If only you had not abandoned me then.

I would have remained the cute little kitten, Kitty that I was. That was enough. That was all I needed!

But now, there is no turning back. If you don’t satiate this obsession—yes, I am astounded even by myself—this compulsive possessiveness, I won’t even be able to breathe anymore, I won’t be able to remember how to beat my heart, and I won’t be able to remember what to do with my life.

―Well, Milord. Don’t portray such a terrified expression. This is where the real fun begins.

I have said most of what I wanted to say. Let me tell you the meaning of the keys hanging on my chest that you are so eager to know.

One is the key to this room. You already know that.

One is the key to the door of the corridor that leads to this room because I don’t want anyone to wander around in front of your room.

The other is the key to the enclosure that covers this entire space. I am still worried about a double-layered structure. At the very least, a triple-layered structure is required if you’re going to be locked up.

Now, Milord. There is still another key, isn’t there? Do you know what this little key is for?

Oh, that neck collar? You must be joking. I destroyed the key to that collar. Because I have no intention of ever letting you take it off again.

Were you that shocked? My beloved.

―By the way, don’t you think you ought to use your clear head a little more to figure out what it means for me to spend time alone with you in this room, unarmed?

The answer is simple. You are very weak and I can easily subdue you with my bare hands. Even if you were to jump at me with a weapon, I would be able to subdue you before you even had a chance to eat your breakfast. But I don’t want you to get hurt by carrying a knife, so I don’t usually have it out. Please don’t misunderstand me.

I have told you. All of you belong to me. Only I can hurt you, and I will not allow anyone to hurt you, not even yourself.

Is that understood? I’m going to twist your arm a little more just to be sure, but if you struggle too much it will dislocate. Of course, I will attach your bones later, but Milord, you don’t enjoy suffering yourself, do you?

Now, after a little mischief, why don’t you calm down? Then, let me show you what this little key does. It’s for opening the small cabinet next to the bed there. Yeah, actually, it is a hidden cabinet, so it can be opened. I have been so tender and kind to you that I haven’t used it so far, but it is time for me to do so, okay?

Look. It’s your own personal whip.

I have already told you, Milord. We have plenty of time.

Of course, I mean enough to train your twisted disposition to my liking.

Don’t worry. You have trained me for three years so well that I know exactly what to do. It will be all right. Since I practiced with my servants, I have already learned what part of a human man I should hit to avoid death. Please put your trust in me and let go of all your anxieties. Eventually, you will feel comfortable with it.

Resistance is futile. For the rest of your life, you will never get out of here. There is nowhere you can go back to. Your family is no longer in this world. I doubt if you could even call them family.

―Milord, did you not think that was strange? Only one individual received such icy treatment. Come to think of it, the one person who was treated differently was also different in appearance. You have black hair and dark eyes, and while you are good-looking, you don’t look very distinguished for a member of the royal family.

You must have noticed this, right?

Who is the one who is not legitimate?

No, no! This is only the start. Now remove the hands from your ears and pay attention to what I have to say.

I have spoken. All of you belong to me. In material terms, I have already fulfilled your desire. Now give me your heart. I don’t ask you to love me. Please let me just fill, satisfy, and overflow that empty heart of yours with me. Think only of me day and night, asleep and awake.

Only then will you have some understanding of how much I love you and how much I hate you.

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